BE AWARE. The first and most important step is to become aware when you complain. Commit to observing yourself for the next 24 hours and when you catch yourself complaining to someone, stop it! Just recognize your thoughts and interact with them like an observer
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Take responsibility for your thoughts. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that you feel guilty and beat yourself up. It just means that you recognize the negative thoughts that are going through your mind and realize those thoughts are not – you. They’re just thoughts. Once you accept that you are the creator of your thoughts, you can change them. Ask yourself “What is the positive intention of complaining about this issue.” The answer will help lead you to the next step.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. Observe your complaint and the positive intention behind it and ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Be very clear about what you do want, not what you don’t want.
4. REPLACE YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. Replace your negative thoughts with possible alternatives. Once you are clear about what you do want – your goal – seek a solution. What actions can you take – now? Maybe the time has come to leave a relationship, cut back on your spending, or take better care of yourself. The point is that if there is a problem bothering you, you are responsible for fixing it.