Community

Does fudge help cure the hiccups?

Tonight, I got a case of the hiccups. Really, really annoying. I thought of the book, “Your Inner Fish”, and of tadpoles. I began to think of the cures I’ve heard of: Drink some water. Hold your breath. Eat a teaspoon of sugar. For some reason, the idea of drinking cool water and eating sugar coalesced in my mind as, “eat some of that coconut ice cream that’s sitting in your freezer.”

So I got out this ice cream or gelato, or whatever it is . . . it’s Kroger brand coconut gelato. I try to open the package. It is fiercely sealed. Fiercely sealed. Cryptic instructions say, “To open, pull tab” An arrow points to something which looks nothing like a “tab.” I pull on it. Fiercely. No go. My hand is hurting. I grip the plastic lid. Fiercely. I pull. I push. Nothing’s working. My fingers feel like bloody ice cream — not too appetizing. I grab a big, 12 inch chef’s knife. I view the impenetrable coconut ice cream container with the eye of Alexander the Great. I raise my arm. I bring the knife down. I slice it in half with one clean stroke of the knife, and with a spoon, access the contents in my unorthodox way.

My hiccups are cured. Instantly. INSTANTLY.