Acknowledge and accept what hurt you. Define your pain and label it for what it is instead of letting it define you. It can be hard to accept things when something happened that we didn’t expect or something fell short of your expectations. It may be so painful, you can barely stand it. Still, you have to acknowledge this pain in order to move on.
Defining the hurt feelings will allow you to separate the negative feelings from you as a whole person. It is OK to feel however you feel, but this does not make you a bad person, a failure or any less of a person.
For example, if you were cheated on by your significant other, it is not correct or productive to blame yourself for the indiscretion. It’s okay to feel humiliated and rejected, but do not allow those negative emotions to make you take ownership for someone else’s wrongdoing.
Gain control of your emotions. You may be hurt but you can still control your emotions. Emotions are an important part of being a human—they allow us to feel for ourselves and others. Still, they can also take over our lives. You can gain control of your emotions by trying a number of strategies.
Taking action is a great way to reel in your emotional response. If you are making a positive contribution to fixing the issue, your emotions won’t be in the driver seat—your practicality will be.
Shifting your focus can also help to control your feelings. Distract yourself from what’s wrong until you can gain some perspective. Go to the gym. Phone a light-hearted friend. Go pick up groceries or run errands. It’s harder to feel down on yourself when you are making moves.
Find closure. Just as every relationship or event has a start, they usually have either a natural end or you create an end through closure. Define the ritual ahead of time so you know when you have done what you needed to do to have closure.
You may get closure by confronting the wrongdoer and trying to forgive. If you take this route, refrain from blaming. Simply express how you feel and explain how you want to move forward. Say something to the effect of “I was really hurt by what you did. I need space to decide if I want to continue the relationship or not. I will contact you if I decide to.”
Another possible strategy may be as simple as returning the property of an ex-spouse and saying a final goodbye. Give yourself time to get the task done, but not enough time to draw it out.