how to go down on a woman safely

You have a whole face, use it. Victoria,33, host of the sex podcast Livin’ and Lovin’ in NYC, says that using your whole face and not just your tongue can be incredibly helpful. For example, if you’re going for direct clitoral stimulation, try cupping the clit lightly between your lips while moving your head around. Your nose can also be used to provide stimulation as well, so don’t be afraid to give that a shot.

Direct clitoral stimulation is not for everyone. Victoria points out that not everyone wants their clit pushed like an elevator button in rush hour, so it’s important to ask them if they do. Victoria explains: “For many women, their clit is just too sensitive and it will feel so intense that you’ll need to stop. However, I have also encountered women who have been clear on needing extremely direct stimulation in order to achieve orgasm.” Plus, it couldn’t be easier to ask someone, “Do you like direct clitoral stimulation or nah?” before you start going down on them. And my guess is they’ll appreciate it.

You can totally eat with your hands (sorry). Victoria recommends putting a few fingers inside the vagina while you’re licking or simply adding some nipple stimulation into the mix. Again, it’s probably a good idea to discuss doing either one beforehand so you’re not casually twisting her nipples off her body or putting in too many or too few fingers. And if you’re going to insert fingers, cut your nails!

The clitoris is not the only part of the vulva you should care about. Sydney, 45, says that licking around the vulva can be just as important as paying attention to the clitoris. Sydney explains: “People with penises: You would not want all your stimulation just on the head of the penis would you?” Most people with penises would probably agree that no, they would not. Keep that in mind.

Yes, you can add a dildo! You don’t have to be active with it (aka thrusting the dildo while going down on her) if you or they don’t want to. Sydney recommends simply having the dildo inside her to give her the feeling of fullness while you’re going down on her. No special moves necessary.